Temptation***
Author- Alisha Prien
I’ve spent ages staring at this page, trying to think of things to write for this blog…
I think they call it writers block…
It’s crazy because Last week and this week there has just been so much, and yet my brain can’t seem to put it all together on this one page. Hence why it will probably be a late Blog this Friday. Stupid Brain, this happens at times when I have so much going on that the brain is at max capacity, filled with overwhelming thoughts. My usual response when this happens is to head for the scrolling and Facebook reels avoiding all sense of thoughts. This never benefits in the end. Once I eventually break away from the addictive reels and endless scrolling, I find I feel 10 times worse than I did before and even more overwhelmed than I did previously.
How many of you can relate to this? It’s like a constant temptation just to pick up the phone and completely shut off from the difficulties of life. To immerse yourself completely in the fake perfect world of the socials and pretend like the other stuff going on doesn’t exist. You basically convince yourself you will deal with it later… Yeah, you know how this feeling ends…. It ends with a cold realisation that you have been scrolling and watching those reels for almost a whole day. The cold realisation that those difficult tasks are still waiting for you to deal with, only now there is less time in the day to deal with them. From here, we have our nasty friend anxiety come creeping in, as you realise that now you have to scramble to catch up, the housework, phone calls, the kids attention. Mum guilt seeps in too as you realise for a whole day the attention has been on that phone and not on quality time with the kids and your partner. Don’t worry I’m speaking from experience… so no judgement here.
Its like a vicious cycle, and for some its harder to break then others, and its only during those moments of difficulty, where the kids are fighting, work is hectic, your partner and you don’t see eye to eye or just constant talking and energy used on others (cup half full style). This cycle can become a creature of habit, and even more so for those of us with children of high needs involving a disability… For me at times it can be the endless hospital and therapy appointments that I find myself caught most in the cycle wanting to shut off from the constant and draining world of Health.
Its human nature to go for what’s easiest in the moment of pain, and it just so happens that now we have access to an easy escape from the pain… the phone and socials. Its not easy to break this nasty creature of habit, I still find myself caught up in it at times. Usually, it takes my partner mentioning my lengthy time on socials for me to snap out of it. I find I’ve gotten better at handling this annoying habit over the last couple of years. Its mostly taken a great deal of self-awareness and mental strength to pull away and deal with what’s right in front of me.
I’m not sure I’ve fully gotten over this cycle, but I know it helps having a supportive partner, and having self-awareness of the addiction by addressing the real issue for wanting to immerse myself. A lot of the times I find, I just needed a good cry and cuddle (no joke) because I will often resort to avoidance of dealing with emotions and feelings. Other times I find its literally just me procrastinating a task (I hate vacuuming the house).
The only real cure for this habit, is awareness of one’s actions. I find constantly asking myself why, helps open the doors to awareness. Why did I choose this? Why did I do that? Why am I on this phone right now, to avoid or to indulge?
The next time you go to pick up that phone and scroll, ask yourself Why?