NEVER- ENDING RADIO…
Author- Alisha Prien
“Living with Anxiety is like being followed by a voice. It knows all your insecurities and uses them against you. It gets to the point when it’s the loudest voice in the room.”
Positivity follows you, but it isn’t something that you wake up feeling, it’s something you have to conjure up throughout the day. Anxiety can overpower positivity if you are not careful, it can slowly tear away at the confidence of oneself. This week’s work life balance has been hard. There have been more times where I have needed to work on the business, then there have been where I am present mentally and physically home. The guilt is constant, which some would say is really built-up anxiety. I’m constantly thinking in circles, “Am I giving enough attention to the kids”, “Am I present and emotionally available for my partner”, “Is my client happy?” “Am I doing enough work? “I need to check this, do this, make sure this is done”. Its like a constant radio that never switches off…
A radio constantly on in the background is the only way I can think of to describe it. Worries kill peace, and lately I’m tired of my peace being disturbed. The only way to quiet the radio is to acknowledge the noise, thank it and send it on its way. I do not believe I have anxiety itself, but rather a momentary feeling of anxiousness. I think so many of us put labels on things which then become our identity (Hence the mental health crisis we have now). I feel by separating from the label, it’s easier to separate the feeling and create more presence in the moment. I find this method especially important for those of us juggling life with our special little ones. Spencer has caused a lot of anxious periods in my life, periods where I have made myself sick with worry over meeting his needs and fixating on his health. If there’s one thing, I’ve learned it’s that worrying over things out of your control is time wasted, and time you can’t get back.
I know this is a temporary situation that will change again next week. I know that all of this is going to give the kids and our family a better future, and I know that they are happy and I’m really the only one sitting here worrying. I have made time, I have been present where I can, read them stories, played games, made time for my partner and done the best I can by my clients. The radio is there to remind us to do and be our best. Sometimes a little anxiety creates a better more focused version in us, it just needs to be turned down and tuned out from time to time…