"SHE'LL BE RIGHT"

This week a few spanners were thrown in the works of our life🔧. Often, I think to myself can shit just not happen…not this week, not today and definitely not now. My Partner and I are in the process of fixing up our current house. We have my stepsons Basketball rep games coming up, plus the business and of course Spencer’s never-ending appointments and constant care needs. To Add to this are some health issues which have popped up for myself and have been slowly getting worse. I am one to leave things and often downplay issues that in actual fact are worse than they seem or appear. In general, I feel like it’s an actual instinct for us mothers to constantly prioritise the kids and family, neglecting our own health/needs. Long story short, I thought I had more time (at least 1-2 years) when in fact perhaps 6 months… (jokes on me). Just yesterday it got so bad I was bed ridden and in pain, funnily enough I still (naively) think “ahhhh…, its not that bad, I’ve had worse, I can push through this “(reality is nah its bad and can’t go on).  😬

I often think my response to most things is due to the resilience developed from all the other bullshit that’s happened in my life.😝 I tend to lean towards the mentality of “could be worse”, or in typical Aussie fashion “she’ll be right”. I know you are all laughing thinking ‘yep I know someone with that attitude’. If I’m being honest in part, I think the mentality comes from having a kid like Spencer…

Every time I think of him and compare my problems to his, I think “shut up Alisha, your stuff is not that bad, look at what Spencer has been through, remember there is always much worse”. In some instances, this mentality has honestly been my saving grace on life. Petty things I use to worry about (gossip, drama, and all that other high school crap girls still carry on with at my age) mean nothing and have become irrelevant since the struggles brought about by Spencer with his disability. Just the other day, I overheard a girl stressing over the perfect outfit and shoes in the shops, god I miss when those were my first world problems (these days I live in sweat shorts and baggy T-shirts💁). Now its “here we go again another hospital trip… little dude has had breakthrough seizures, or Spencer's sick again (which takes 2 months for him to be well again).😷

I guess the downfall with this outlook on life is that it can lead to me downplaying my own emotional needs and health issues, because in part I feel guilty for even having such worries about myself, as if it’s a selfish attitude to take on. Part of this also comes from me watching my own mother stay silent with a lot of things when it came to her health, emotional needs, and relationships. The term for this particular behaviour is “Suffer in silence”.🙊

It’s been said that in order for children to be healthy mentally and physically, the mother must also be healthy, and so I know that deep down the kids need me to sort out this health stuff to be there for them. For us to be better mothers/partners we need to take care of ourselves for the family. We are the glue that holds everyone together, and when that glue falls apart so does everything else… so basically get your shit together for the rest of the FAM!💪

Whilst Spencer has changed a lot of my outlook on life, I realise that there are some things that simply cannot be ignored or downplayed. Whether I like or not health is a necessity not only for myself but for our family. I have decided that this year will be my year of health and my year of honesty about all things when it comes to myself both mentally and physically, in other words “she’ll be right” nahhh… “She’s not alright but I could be with help”.  💕

Its okay to be honest with yourself and say “I’m struggling, I need help, I’m not okay”. I’m beginning to think its braver to admit the struggles and be real, then to “Suffer in Silence”.💫