LONELY or TRUE?
Author- Alisha Prien
I think this year has been one of the loneliest years I’ve experienced. I mean this in a good way really…
I mean lonely by choice. It wasn’t too long ago, I was the social butterfly of everything, constantly out with friends, making time for socialising at work, and putting all my time and energy into bringing joy to others. Whilst this was most fulfilling for my extraverted self, it was also extremely energy consuming, and more often than not, I found myself with less and less energy for my home life and family. This was my people pleasing stage, a stage where I couldn’t bare to miss out on events, to make sure I was meeting others needs and making others feel loved and happy. This all came at the expense of my own happiness and mental wellbeing, even worse some of these people befriended me only to throw me under the bus, and in later years used me to make themselves appear great to others.
There are many who will use good for evil in this world.
I’ve seen and dealt with a lot these last few years, I’ve been hurt many times by those I trusted, work colleagues, friends and previous partners. It wasn’t until I met my now current (amazing) partner that he saw how trusting my nature was, as well as how detrimental it could be to my own happiness. It was he who suggested the idea of being truthful to oneself. He went on to explain that I could still hold my kind nature but do so with boundaries. He explained the idea of being okay with missing out and accepting that perhaps not everyone will like me and that I didn’t need that external validation anymore.
For the first time ever I actually felt safe, he makes me feel safe.
It was my partner that opened my eyes to the idea of being alone, keeping private and protecting myself from the selfishness of others. It was only when I started creating my safe, private space and began implementing boundaries that I lost people. Once I started being true, I saw less of the friends who once preached how much they “loved me” (Drunk), I got less interaction on social media (funny how when you don’t post Bikini pics of yourself, or sexy selfies how little people are interested in the real version or give a S****). I began reading and educating myself with books, having baths alone, staying in my home and doing majority of the outside activities with just my family. I signed up as my sons Basketball coach, and even started my own business…
I’m beginning to realise that Lonely doesn’t have to mean, depressed, sad and no friends, sometimes it means you are in a phase of growth. Sometimes it means you are protecting the life you have created from the harm of others influence. Since being less social I have grown so much these past two years, and I wouldn’t look back. I have made new friends that are now closer to my values, friends that share the same mindset and remain true. I have grown as a mother and have a newfound love for being a homemaker involved in everything my kids do. We keep our life very private and out of the public eye now (No need for social media to tell me I’m happy, I know I am).
Upon reflection I have concluded that sometimes you need to be alone to face your raw self in all its glory. Ask yourself this…
who do you really want to be? someone who lives their life for others constantly in need of external validation? or would you rather risk being alone, but live a life that is honest and true, a reflection of your true self?