Facing Fears***
By Author- Alisha
Fears can come in all shapes and forms…
This week I was faced with my fear of flying. I am absolutely petrified of flying. Any time I get on a plane I plan my escape exit in the event that we are crashing (yeah, I know insane). Turbulence’s hit me the most, I’m that person on the verge of a panic attack clinging to the seat every time it happens, mentally screaming to the universe “I have two kids and a family to get home to don’t take me yet”!!!
How do I overcome this you might ask…
Honestly, I don’t. Every time there is a take-off it’s the same, I panic, shake and mentally beg for my life. I’m not convinced facing your fears is enough to overcome them, but what I do know is surrendering to the out of your control element helps. Surrendering to the fact that, it is what it is, and let’s be honest there are more car crashes then there are plane crashes. I find if you change your perception on the fear you are faced with, It becomes less scary. It isn’t a matter of overcoming the fear, its a matter of changing your mindset towards the fear. Telling yourself the outcomes and scenarios you are creating are most unlikely; technology today is incredible, and Piolets are trained to land free falling (without engines on). Change your perception on the fear and look at what is really in your control… YOU MIND.
This method can also be applied to life, in fact there are many times where I have had to apply this type of outlook to situations in my life. Spencer’s situation is one of them. When my son was born and we were given the knowledge of his condition (CMV), I feared the worst. At the time we didn’t know what this would mean, and so with the uncertainty of outcomes came the overflowing thoughts of fear, panic. My mind began presenting all the worst-case scenarios (Still Born, Death, Vegetive state, degenerative, Blind).
The 3 weeks it took of testing and waiting for the results, was the worst, and most stressful 3 weeks of my life. The only way I coped with the news at the time was by deluding myself with positivity, convincing everyone and myself that everything was fine and that somehow, they had made a mistake (He seemed fine). This type of mindset also isn’t great. Being to positive and hopeful, can make the letdown feel so much worse when faced with the bad news.
This is why I love the teachings of Stoicism so much. It teaches us to focus on the present, encompassing daily gratitude and only worrying about things that are in your control. This is something I try to practice daily, especially when it comes to Spencer. For those of you who don’t know Spencer has level 5 Cerebral Palsy. He cannot walk, talk, eat or drink on his own. This was his outcome from the virus. The things that he can do; is he can lighten up a room of gloomy and grumpy people with one smile and laugh, he has the memory of an elephant and remembers every person he meets and places he has been, he finds joy in the simplest of tasks and is always laughing at the smallest of moments (e.g. our new puppy licking his face or my partner pulling funny faces). Spencer reminds us of all what gratitude truly is.
Unfortunately, I was not able to undo the damage the virus inflicted upon my son, but what I was able to do, was gain a newfound perspective on life, a newfound gratitude in all the daily tasks and a positive outlook on my son’s disability and health. I’m not perfect. There are times where I have fallen off track with this mindset and found myself in the slump from time to time. It always comes back to Spencer reminding me during these weak moments, that life isn’t that bad, the scenarios my mind is making isn’t necessary and needs no further encouragement.
Life is what you make it. You can choose to succumb to your fears, or take charge of what’s in your control- YOUR MIND, YOUR PERCEPTION, and YOUR WILL.