CONFRONTAION***

Written by Author- Alisha Prien

I Envy those of you who aren’t afraid to speak up and face confrontation, for me its scary as hell, coming from a people pleasing perspective that is. For so long I’ve always been afraid to speak up and be the “no” person. I’ve always just said yes and gone along with a lot of decisions in life, even ones that I wasn’t fully on board with… Boy did this turn out to be the worst and get me into some of the worst and most unnecessary situations.

Since having children this fear has been one I’ve had to overcome many times now, particularly when it comes to Spencer and advocating for his health. I’ve found that once you get past the first hurdle of saying “no” eventually it gets easier, and you realise that really you were the only one stressing about the “what ifs” and no one else was bothered. If anyone ever was bothered, then all you really end up with is pissing off someone that doesn’t respect boundaries (a red flag anyway). I would constantly make up excuses for why I couldn’t attend or do something or talk and talk about how “upset” I was about something that was honestly my own fault for saying yes.

This week I was confronted with a situation that deeply bothered me. I spent half the week frustrating over it, stressing about it, talking about, and saying I would do something but not actually doing it, until finally today I couldn’t take it (more like finally my partner couldn’t take it!).  He couldn’t take the constant anxiety; so finally, he said in two short words “Speak up”. Today I did just that, I “spoke up” and It was as if a weight had been lifted off my chest. In part I was still concerned about the possible response to this, but another part of me was relieved not to have to carry this stress anymore. I’ve begun to realise people pleasing is a S*** thing to practice and serves no purpose…

It wasn’t until I met my partner Mel, that I was made aware of just how detrimental my people pleasing behaviour had gotten. I was constantly stressed and overwhelmed, a lot of the time with situations that I had created for myself due to this people pleasing practice. I would squash my weeks with so many of Spencers therapy appointments, say yes to work shifts for others, and assist in helping others instead of fitting it in with my life and the kids. In fact, quite often this would affect the kids and my partner more than anyone, as I was essentially putting the needs of others before my own and bringing these unnecessary stresses home.  

So, for those of you that are people pleasers, coming from experience it never ends well to avoid conflict or make excuses, it almost always ends up biting us in the butt one way or another. If it feels like pressure, say “no”. If you are unsure, say “no”, if you have an issue “bring It up”. The worst that can happen is you piss off a few people, (more often than not who are insignificant to your life) people who don’t respect boundaries and probably aren’t meant to be in your life anyway.  Wouldn’t you rather live a life of honesty and integrity than live life in constant worry and stress over what others think?

 I’d rather choose my own peace over others… :)