“The Mean Parent”

Author Alisha Prien

This morning brought about an interesting conversation/reflection for me. After scolding my 7-year-old daughter for her stinky attitude, which seems to be present as of lately. We landed on the topic of “why are you so mean mum”. Meelah likes to compare me often to her friends’ parents who are quote “cooler” and Quote “more fun and let them do what they want” (I’m sure there are plenty of you who have also faced this very comparison).

I could go on about the parenting of this generation, and turn this whole blog into a lecture on why “cool” parenting is currently failing our future generation, but let’s be honest that’s a battle I’m not prepared to take on…

Instead, I simply stated “Meelah sometimes it takes me being mean to prepare you for the world, because the world now is a much meaner place”. It really is when you think about all the times many of us have endured pain, loss, and disappointment. Now we face; ungratefulness, victim mentality, and loss of identity like never before…

Gone are the days of resilience, gone are the days when you basically told your child to pull their head in, and encouraged self-reflection upon one’s actions. I see it all the time; parents blaming the school, the teacher, and the world for their issues, basically externalising all things within their control.

I often take opportunities to educate both my older children on subjects that prepare them for the difficulties of life. This time I used the subject as a reminder. A reminder of ‘why’, why we do what we do as parents, and why at the time we are hard on the children or, “mean” as they would say.

 I put it down to me simply preparing them for the cruel and harsh world that they will enter when they are grown adults. This morning, I explained to my daughter that there are things in this world far worse than me just saying “no”.

I stated….

“There are going to be hard times in your life Meelah, that you must be prepared for. Bosses will say “no”, friends will betray, and you will experience hurt and loss. This is the inevitable suffering of humans”.  It is what we choose to do with these sufferings, how we chose to act and respond to these difficult situations, that make us weak or strong individuals.” (This I truly believe is the source of living a purposeful, grateful, and wholesome life.)

A great example I shared with her, was in fact her brother…

Spencer is one example of something that was most difficult in my life. My son is something I had no control over, and something I had to learn to deal with.  His Disability continues to bring challenges daily, and it’s a never-ending battle to stay out of the dark place that most of us get caught up in and often never come out of. It is thanks to my Mum, that I am equipped to cope with such challenges. It is thanks to the “no’s” and scoldings she gave me during childhood, that I am able to manage the ongoing challenges presented to me daily, particularly challenges involving my children.

 So, it is the scoldings I give my daughter that really are preparing her for the many disappointments and challenges in life to come.  If there is one thing I’ve learned in life, its that sometimes you must make the hard calls as a parent, it is not our job to be a friend, to be the “cool parent”. Its our job to prepare them, to equip them with the necessary strategies required to deal with the daily sufferings and obstacles we face in life.